Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
