I wish I could punch you in the face.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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