I heard we made out
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
