He asked to "fluff my boner.."
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
