I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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