"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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