I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
