Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
