I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
this is an emotional support booty call
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
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