My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Randomize
