you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
