alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
