I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
