dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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