How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
