last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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