She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
