NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
