so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Randomize
