Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
