i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
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