Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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