i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
