She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
