First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
