I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
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