I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
