I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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