Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
