it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
