about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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