like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
