I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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