she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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