She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
