Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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