So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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