After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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