I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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