I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
