Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i already hear my dad disowning me
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Randomize
