The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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