I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
