so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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