so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
