so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
