I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
