I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
