i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
