But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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