I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
