it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
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It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
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OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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