so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
