i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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