I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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