I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
