your parents love me but you hate me
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
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