you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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