I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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