i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
