What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
