peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
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I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
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4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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