I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Couch. On fire.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
