dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
