My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
