Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
it's great music for shaving your balls
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
