I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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