I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Randomize
