The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Hippo gnu deer
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
